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  • Children never stop moving: did you notice?

    Children never stop moving: did you notice?

    There is no doubt that one of the most noticeable characteristics of children is that they are constantly on the go. Especially for the little ones, between two and three years old, the preferred way of moving from one point to another is running rather than walking. Unfortunately, the world around them is not child-friendly, and too often it imposes expectations on children without even considering whether they are appropriate or not. As a result, they are often scolded for the wrong reasons and for behaviors they just can’t avoid. Even so, if children never stop moving, it is not only because they cannot help themselves, but also because movement is necessary for their development. Let’s find out why.

    Children never stop moving: why?

    The connection between muscles, brain and learning was observed a long time ago by Maria Montessori, but it has also been demonstrated by recent studies in neuroscience. As the body engages and matures through physical movement, the brain builds what will be the basic foundations of future learning, well-being, and physical and mental health. Fortunately, when children are placed in an environment that is conducive to their development and given the right opportunities, they are naturally driven to seek out and create the experiences they need and which support their particular stage of development. Our contribution as adults is to create as many different and varied opportunities for movement as possible and give them the opportunity to experiment with their own body.

    stimulating all the senses

    In the early years, motor and sensory experiences guide children an understanding of the surrounding world and themselves. Information from the environment are collected not only through the 5 traditional senses but also through two additional senses that are often ignored. The proprioception, the sense of position of our body parts in relation to each other and the vestibular sense, sense of movement in relationship with earth, are in fact equally important. With a poor foundation for proprioception, a child may have difficulty coordinating their movements and feel uncomfortable in their “skin” or constantly need to wriggle to get a better sense of themselves. An underdeveloped vestibular sense could instead be due to poor balance and aversion to movement. It is not difficult to understand how much these conditions can affect emotional development and stability.

    outdoor play

    One of the best ways to satisfy the need for movement is to spend time outdoors, especially if spaces at home are limited. More and more children spend most of their time indoor and the possibility of exploring nature is reduced to a minimum, replaced by access to parks that are artificially prepared. Every family knows its possibilities and access to nature is not always immediate or simple. That said, knowing how important it is for children to play outdoors and get in touch with natural elements such as earth, water, wind, grass and so on, I invite you to think about how you could incorporate some time spent outdoors and offer opportunities to climb, run and jump. Nature not only offers endless possibilities for movement but also for exploration.

    children never stop moving

    the importance of risky play

    The term risky-play refers to a type of play naturally experienced by children, which includes the search for great heights, speed, the use of dangerous tools, hiding and the so-called “rough and tumble” play”. This type of experiences play a fundamental role in development, because it helps children learn to assess risk independently, develop self-confidence, awareness of their body and their limits and desire to overcome them. This has, in turn, a positive impact on emotional well-being, resilience, the willingness to try and try again and even on the ability to resolve conflicts and find solutions.

    Supporting “dangerous” play does not mean leaving children unsupervised or letting them do whatever they want, but rather giving them the opportunity to experiment, to take some risks and be there to suggest what to do.

    Download my free template “What to say instead of Be careful!”

  • Organize your home with the Montessori method: mealtimes

    Organize your home with the Montessori method: mealtimes

    This article is part of the series “Organize your home with the Montessori Method“

    In this series of articles dedicated to “How to organize home with the Montessori method”, you will find out how to build an environment that can support children at best, including them in daily tasks and supporting their independence. We will not spend much time discussing activities or toys but we will rather think about reorganizing the environment to make it child-friendly while satisfying the needs of the whole family. As you will notice, these articles will not focus on specific rooms but on needs and routines such as eating, playing, sleeping and so on. In this way, my tips hope to be suitable for any home environment, whether you live in a 4-bedroom house or a studio flat.

    mealtimes: how to organize home

    The first necessity we will discuss is eating, not only because we spend quite some time cooking or at the table but also because mealtimes can be a tricky time of the day. From my experience of working with parents, mealtimes can often turn into a battlefields of chaos, shouting and threats. While I cannot guarantee you that your children will eat everything you expect them to, I can however assure you that mealtimes can be a pleasurable and enjoyable moment of the day. All it it takes is, first, finding the right way to arrange your home with the space that you have available. Second, giving children a little bit of autonomy when it comes to choices and food preparation.  

    montessori nurseries: cooperation and comunity

    If you visited a Montessori nursery, you would notice a corner of the classroom dedicated to snack. Unlike traditional nurseries where children gather at the same time and sit for a snack, here the table is accessible for most of the day on a self-service basis. The reason why snack is available for most of the day is that everybody is differently. Some people are very hungry in the morning while others can carry on without a snack between breakfast and lunch. So, by allowing children to serve themselves, under the careful guidance of an adult, they then learn to listen to their body. Moreover, When lunchtime approaches, the teachers close the area and children begin to contribute to preparing the classroom for lunch. The learning process requires patience, role modelling and a lot of trust in the child’s abilities.

    organize home with the montessori method

    cooking together

    You might be wondering, how is this possible and what are  the benefits for children? First of all, children are motivated by the desire of contributing and mealtimes are the perfect chance to give them this possibility. Additionally, food prep is not only a way of developing physical and practical skills, but it helps children feel part of the family. The possibility of learning and participation are truly infinte. For example, you can invite them to prepare the snack or help you with the meals for the family. They can cut veggies, mix ingredients, add them, pour their own water or milk and serve themselves food. Finally, let’s see how to make this happen without too much stress and how to best arrange your home. 

    From food prep to cleaning

    Considering the spaces in your kitchen, choose a shelf within easy reach of the children where you can arrange objects such as plates, cutlery, placemats and glasses. Keep on sight only what is necessary, choose real objects, of a size and weight suitable for children. Similarly, cleaning tools should also be real and child-friendly, organized in a corner in an orderly manner. When given tools that are suitable for them, there’s no activity kids see us doing that they wouldn’t want to try themselves. Keep in mind, the aim is not to force them to clean or cook, but to organize your house so as to involve them in what are everyone’s responsibilities. You could start with a simple: “Will you help me?” and see where it takes you. If the child doesn’t want to participate, invite him to watch you do it.

    snack time

    One of the fundamental steps to support the autonomy of children in this area is to make both food and the necessary for preparation accessible. Depending on what you decide to include in the snack, the food could be prepared in a closed container and placed in an easily accessible kitchen cabinet or on the bottom shelf of the refrigerator, accompanied by all the necessary tools. The choice of food depends on the eating habits of the children however, to industrially prepared snacks, I suggest you choosing something that requires the children’s contribution. For example, fruit to cut, a slice of bread and cheese to spread or yoghurt to pour from the container to a cup with fruit or cereal. After showing where everything can be found, demonstrate how to move one item at a time and walk slowly when holding delicate items.

    organize your home for the main meals

    Contribution to preparing meals can be, for logistical and safety reasons, a little more complicated than a snack, but certainly not impossible. While involving children every day in cooking meals from start to finish with us may not be feasible, it is undoubtedly possible to involve them in part of the preparation, whether it is the cutting of vegetables or the setting of the table. Participation can take place in different ways, depending on the size and characteristics of the kitchen, but also on the abilities and awareness of the children. Another possibility is to prepare a serving dish at the table from which the children can help themselves or opt for dishes that require assembly such as a flatbread or a sandwich.

  • Montessori discipline and gentle education

    Montessori discipline and gentle education

    Even though it was used before she published her books, the term “gentle discipline” is usually attributed to Sarah Ockwell-Smith, well-known author and parenting expert. While Maria Montessori never used this term, the main principles are very much in line with the Montessori philosophy. To some extent, they complement it, making it a perfect tool for parents who want to follow the Montessori discipline at home. The four principles of gentle parenting are empathy, respect, understanding and boundaries, words that I use several times in my book. Without a doubt, they are pillars for creating a peaceful environment at home. Let’s reflect on how they can promote the Montessori discipline at home. 

     

    consistent and clear boundaries

    The gentle approach the Montessori method promotes is not a discipline without rules. Children, who are moving their first steps in a world which is new to them, are desperate for guidelines to guide them. Consistent and clear boundaries help them feel safe, understand the adults’ expectations and make their reactions predictable. The Montessori discipline encourages parents to choose a few fundamental rules that stay fixed and invariable. With time, they will become the safety net children need to explore safely the world away from us. 

     

    positive language

    A common cause of frustration for parents is teaching children behaviours that are considered acceptable by society. Traditional education techniques use threats, bribing and authoritarian orders that, besides being ineffective, turn the relationship into a constant fight. on the other hand, the Montessori discipline promotes positive communication and a relationship based on respect and collaboration.  There are different ways to communicate the same message and, the most efficient avoid threats and complaining. For example, a positive way of interacting is by describing what we see without adding any judgement or telling off. Sometimes highlighting the issue is enough to encourage children in finding a solution.  

     

    Montessori discipline

    forget about bribes and pusnishemts

    When children follow our rules through the means of punishments, bribes or rewards, we are offering external motivation which pushes them to base their choices on the adult’s reaction, on fear and the possibility of a special treat. Even if these solutions can work at the moment and might even solve the immediate problem, they are harmful in the long term. The child in fact, is focused on what is coming next and is not absorbing the rules or comprehending the motivation behind certain boundaries. The Montessori discipline works instead in the long term and encourages children to take responsibility.

    natural consequences

    Natural consequences have to do with the event itself. For example, if a child runs through the house and ends up hitting a corner, he has encountered a natural consequence. Sometimes, instead, we need to create the consequence. If we are playing together and in a moment of anger they hit us, we will need to interrupt the game to look after ourselves. The end of a fun game is the natural consequence. This would be the case of a toy that is used in an unsafe way which we will need to take away for some time. Finally, for a damaged toy, we will encourage to fix it. Similarly, after a physical conflict with another child, we might suggest making a card or asking the other person what can we do to make things better. 

     

    being a role model

    The last aspect to take into consideration, and which relates directly to the principles of gentle education, is the way we communicate with children. Let’s remember that we are their models of life and that they learn above all by observing us rather than by listening to us. Small details, such as asking them please and saying thank you, using a gentle tone of voice, crouching down to their height to talk to them, reducing the distance and teaching them a way of communicating based on respect.

     

    Download the free template: “What to say intead of!”

  • How to play with a newborn: the first 3 months

    How to play with a newborn: the first 3 months

    In my experience as a nursery teacher, I have worked with children of different ages, especially between 12 months and five years old. Even though I love children of all ages, like most teachers, I have my preferences. I especially love working with children between 14-16 months and three years, a crucial period for the development of language and the body. Although I worked with children for years, when our Baby Z was born in October, I suddenly realized that I knew nothing about babies. To be entirely honest, I had no clue how to play with a newborn and I had to learn from scratch.

    babies and their ability to focus

    Initially, what surprised me the most was realizing that Baby Z could concentrate deeply! When an object, a sound or a person catches her attention, she locks her view and nothing can distract her. In the years spent observing children’s behaviour, Maria Montessori had already noticed how the ability to concentrate starts developing from a young age. Usually, it becomes visible when children engage in an activity that matches their interests and that is slightly above their ability. Specifically, enough to make it challenging without causing frustration. Moreover, the child needs to be able to engage without being interrupted for a prolonged period of time. Finally, the length of time a child can concentrate, while short at the start, keeps increasing with practice.

    So, what do we learn from this on how to play with a newborn?

    newborns and what they love

    The world for a newborn is brand new and must feel overwhelming with its continuous whirlwind of sounds, smells and sensations. While their brain works at top speed to absorb and process it all, it seems impossible that they might be able to pause and focus on details. And yet, one of the first things I noticed during my early interaction with baby Z, was the intensity of her look towards us. To be honest, I don’t think I ever felt so much attention on me as with her. Even though she could not track us yet, if we stayed still, her eyes seemed to aim at taking in every detail of our faces. We are, after all, all she knows for now. 

    how to play with a newborn

    how to play with a newborn: tips

    Noticing her interest towards our faces, we use every opportunity to interact with her. We talk, describe what we do, make funny faces, smile and sing. Now that Baby Z is nearly three months old, she tries to mimic our voices and responds in her own unique way of communicating. When we smile, she smiles back with a heart-melting, toothless smile. When we sing, she laughs with joy and makes sounds like she wanted to join in. These simple activities stimulate the development of language and her ability to communicate but are also beautiful bonding moments. To sum up, forget the toys, the best way to play with a newborn is simply interacting with them.

    play gym and play mat

    In the short time left between sleeping, feeding and nappy change, we offer Zara some play time on her play mat. Even though she doesn’t spend on it more than a few minutes before getting restless and demanding to be picked up, we have noticed progress happening.

    Initially, not knowing what she might like, I hung different toys from the play gym: a few rings, colourful animals and a small mirror. On her side, I then opened a black and white book with different pictures. A couple of weeks ago, she started first to show interest towards the lowest ring, by hitting it with her hands. Finally, a couple of days ago, she managed to grab it for the first time. Seeing a strong interest towards that activity, I decided to remove the rest of the objects, so she could practice without distractions. I am in absolute awe of her perseverance, so little, already so determined.

    movement

    Even though Baby Z spends a relatively short time on the play mat, it seems to be enough to give her a chance to practice the skills she has decided to master. In the last few days, she has also decided it is time to learn how to turn and she is practising over and over again. Being on the floor is important as it gives her an opportunity to move her whole body freely and without the adults’ support/interference. 

    When she is on the floor, unless she gives us signs of hunger, tiredness or boredom, we let her play without interrupting. We simply sit back, observe and enjoy her determination. 

  • Children’s emotions: don’t shut them down

    Children’s emotions: don’t shut them down

    How many times have we found ourselves trying to console a crying child? Whether it’s a fall, a broken toy, denied sweets, or any other reason that leads to tears, children’s emotions often explode with great intensity, leaving us wondering how to react. Immediately, our instinct makes us intervene to make them feel better as soon as possible. While it makes sense to console them when they struggle, we should reflect on our interaction, our real motivations and the language we use. To rephrase it, consoling is one thing, trying, even unconsciously, to repress their emotions is quite another thing.

    common expressions and their meaning

    Words are tools that we sometimes use without being completely aware of their power. Many phrases we use, in fact, come out of our mouths without us realizing, out of habit or because learnt when growing up. In particular, this happens often with children, whose interaction is driven by a heavy dose of emotion and influenced by the type of communication our important adults used with us when we were children. As I have noted in other articles, the Montessori parental approach requires a strong dose of humility, self-criticism and the ability to reflect on ourselves, including the words we use when communicating with children. Moreover, we must remember that in the first six years children absorb the world around them without a filter, and the words we use become part of their being.

    you are ok, nothing happened

    One of the most common approaches adults use, especially when a child is physically hurt, is to tell them that nothing serious has happened and they have no reason to cry. Even if the intent of calming them down is positive, we are actually passing a negative message. In reality, “It’s nothing” means “you are crying for no reason”, which cannot feel good for someone who feels hurt. In the same way, if we were going through a breakup and a friend told us we had no reason to cry, we would feel diminished and probably annoyed with that person. Even when the reason for their crying sound silly to us, it is evidently sufficient for them. Therefore, they have the right to let go of what they feel.

    stop crying

    The real question is, why do we feel the urge of taming children’s emotions and shut them down as quickly as possible? In reality, expressions like “Stop crying” hide a feeling of discomfort in front of intense children’s emotions. This instinctive reaction is often driven by our inner child whose significant adults have shut down with embarrassment and anger. Somewhen down the line, we learnt that expressing our emotions is wrong. Likewise, now that it’s our turn, we repeat the same behaviour because it’s the only one we’ve learned.

    In summary, if we want to raise a generation of adults who aren’t ashamed to be seen as vulnerable, we need to stop telling children not to cry and let them express themselves however they need to.

    children's emotions

    calm down

    I used to have a bad habit of telling my partner “Calm down” when he got upset for some reason, however, I quickly stopped when I realized how much it pissed him off. If there is a phrase that does not help to calm down, it is this exact one, probably because it is an attempt to control the emotions that another person is experiencing. As a matter of fact, most people don’t like being controlled, much less being told how they should feel.

    what to say instead

    Before you begin to speak, remember the emotions a child experiences are theirs exclusively and not yours. In the same way, the crisis is theirs, not yours. Take a deep breath and, if you can, try not to get hit by the erupting volcano in front of you.
    I believe that with adults and children, empathy is one of the most effective approaches. In the particular case of children, I first begin by describing what happened. “You fell down”. Then I help them label their emotion. “Your knee is hurting / you got scared”. You may even use this approach with a newborn: “You don’t want to change the diaper and now you’re angry.”
    Basically, with this approach you aim at focussing the attention on the trigger and showing that the adult is empathizing with them: “I understand”. Finally, it allows us to name the emotions. laying the foundations for healthy emotional competence.

    What comes next

    Finally, we must remember that our duty is not to fix every problem a child might face. On the other hand, we can offer our presence, listen to them, console them and guide them as they learn to deal healthily with their emotions. After all, emotions are neither positive nor negative, they are just unavoidable. Our reaction, on the other hand, is under our control. We all get angry, but not all of us would react by throwing a punch or screaming. We all cry, but then we learn to get ourselves together and back on our feet. In conclusion, with some attention to the language we use, we can guide children as they navigate their emotions and learn how to deal positively with every situation.

    Letture consigliate

    Rossi, R. Montessori per i genitori (capitolo dedicato alle “Tempeste emotive”)  

    Dowling, M. Young Children’s Personal, Social and Emotional Development

     

  • Montessori from birth: reflections of a teacher & mum

    Montessori from birth: reflections of a teacher & mum

    In January 2022, to my surprise and immense joy, I discovered I was pregnant. As we began to prepare for Baby Z’s arrival, I started to question how (and if) I could incorporate all I learned as a Montessori teacher into my parenting style. What type of parent would I be? Will I be able to apply my teaching knowledge and skills? Could you follow Montessori from birth? Without hesitation, more than one person kindly warned me that all the excellent advice I had gathered in my recent book would rapidly be thrown out the window with my children (the ominous “You will see…”).
    Since Baby Z’s birth, I’ve had time to reflect on these words while also experiencing the wonderful yet challenging role of motherhood. So, here’s what I’ve discovered in the previous five weeks about how to follow Montessori from birth.

    follow your instinct (or not)

    In the first days of Baby Z’s life, I felt equally scared and overwhelmed with joy, unable to wrap my head around the fact that her survival depended entirely on us. Following Montessori from birth was the last of my worries but, fortunately, I was informed, parents develop an instinct that helps them provide for their children’s needs. As I waited for this superhuman talent to manifest, I began to wonder if it was a tool I should rely entirely. Can you truly trust your instincts while being overtired, tugged in a million directions as parents often are and busy dealing with your own childhood trauma without even realizing it?! While I believe that the bond between carers and their children gives us some advantages, I also think that being a parent requires constant work. For this reason, besides listening to my intuition, I am researching, seeking advice, and asking for help. Above all, I am doing my best to get to know this new tiny person in my life, understanding her needs, personality and her unique way of communicating. All of this will hopefully strengthen my instincts as a growing parent and help me care for Baby Z.

    respect

    When chatting with other parents and discussing Montessori education, I often use the term “respect”, reminding adults to treat children in the same way they would like to be treated. To give an example, a few days ago, I observed a couple of parents deciding to get ready to leave a party, collecting their stuff, saying their goodbyes and finally heading to their child. Their little one was, at that moment, busy playing with another adult in the room. Without warning, mum approached him from behind, and pushed a scarf through his head and down to his neck. His reaction was strong and quickly deteriorated when they tried to force him to wear the jacket, ending with him throwing himself on the floor. A lovey afternoon ruined in a matter of seconds. 

    respect

    Why does this episode connect with the word respect? Simply because no adult would like to be approached from behind, taken by surprise and forced to dress and leave a party. Even though the adults always remain in charge of certain decisions (for example, when it is time to go home), the child still has the right to be warned of what is about to happen. A little warning can go a long way with a toddler (or anyone, really).

    Montessori from birth

    kindness

    If communicating our intentions is not very common with older children, it is even rare with babies. In general, we often expect children to tolerate any of our behaviours, including forcing, pushing, pulling, demanding and shoving. Whenever we interact with Baby Z, we do our best to explain to her what will happen next, with simple and clear words, whether that’s a nappy change or me passing her to another person. Narrating everything I do (“Shall we change your nappy now? I am going to open your baby grow, undo the bottons now. Let’s see what we have. You did a wee! Shall we change it then?”), allows me to keep her informed and introduce new vocabulary, validate her emotions (she often gets upset when we are undressing her) and turn every moment into a meaningful interaction. Ultimately this is about showing our baby, any baby, the basic respect that any other human being deserves. It is never too early to role model positive interaction, even with a little baby who is learning the basics of human interaction.

    Tuning in

    When studying for my Montessori Diploma, I learnt the word “Tuning in”, which I never heard before, referred to children. Tuning in requires us to actively listen to what the other person is communicating, aligning ourselves to their unique language and adjusting our behaviour accordingly. Tuning in is particularly important with babies, not only because they cannot yet communicate with words. Our response will also model their interpretation of the world and interaction. When we respond promptly to their needs or at least show up for their needs of love and care, they are learning that their voice matters, is listened to and that the world they landed in is populated by adults that can be trusted. Those first few months are so important, so crucial as they listen, observe and take in everything we give to the most basic level. Even when we don’t understand why Baby Z is crying, we are present, offer comfort and do our best to soothe her discomfort.

    montessori for babies

    Ultimately, what I learnt in the past two months is that you can certainly start following the Montessori method from birth. The Montessori approach is about showing respect and kindness for the child, and that can and must start from birth. We can narrate our actions and inform them of what is about to happen. Respond promptly to their needs, fix what is wrong (hunger, tiredness, cold) or at least give comfort when we are unable to understand or fix. Finally, acknowledge their feelings and accept their need for expressing them in the way they choose. This is Montessori for babies.

    Recommended readings:

    Davies, S. Uzodike, J. The Montessori Baby 

    Lansbury, J. Elevating Child Care: A Guide To Respectful Parenting 

  • Montessori at home: where to begin

    Montessori at home: where to begin

    In previous articles, we discuss the importance of interacting positively with children, trusting them and learning to communicate effectively. When following the Montessori method at home, one way of expressing our trust in them is to create a physical environment that allows them to explore, be independent and practice all the skills they are so enthusiastic to master. Montessori uses the term “prepared environment” to refer to a space carefully adapted and modified to meet the needs not only of adults but also of children. Why is it so important?

    How children learn

    The first six years of a child’s life are critical to their development. In these crucial years that pass with incredible speed, children build the core of their personality, learn to manage emotions, the brain reaches the peak of work, and they begin to confront the world and interpret it. Everything they learn will remain unconsciously anchored to their being for life. Amazingly, the process unfplds spontaneously, thanks to the incredible capacity of the human brain to absorb information. Everything the environment offers them, children absorb, for better or for worse. And since learning is driven by direct interaction with the environment, it is easy to understand how the physical environment also plays its part.

    where to start from

    Where should you start if you wish to follow the Montessori method at home and make some changes to the environment? In this article, I will not talk about activities considered and sold as “Montessori”, because I believe they are not essential. Of course, Maria Montessori created an educational apparatus for the school that is incredible but it is mainly designed for schools. Instead, I would like to focus on all those small changes that can be made to our home more suitable for children and think about the essential needs of these early years. The good news is that the investment required to adapt the spaces is very minimal. In the long run, it will help you save money as this is a rather minimalist approach.

    Montessori at home

    Observing

    Even before making any changes, take some time to observe. Start from the physical spaces, kneel and look at the environment from the height of the children. What can they see, reach and touch? Are there any items that should not be within their reach? Is the environment welcoming? Safe? Begin by removing any objects that you want them to touch, keeping in mind that children are naturally curious and are on a mission to discover the world. Finally, take some time to observe what the children are doing. What is their favourite activity? What makes them angry and what are they passionate about it? Keep these questions in mind for the next section.

    less is more!

    The fundamental motto to keep in mind following the Montessori method at home is less is more! Children’s bedrooms nowadays, if only in the West of the world, are overflowing with games for which children lose interest quickly, on which they barely linger. The chaos they create is unmanageable as is their mood. The excess of stimuli is never positive, it distracts and makes you hyperactive. On the contrary, I recommend that you use what you have discovered by observing your children to carefully select a few activities to put on display and available. The others can be organized in boxes, ready to be made available again when their interest changes. Trust me, having less will foster children’s natural ability to concentrate and make them calmer. Not to mention the benefit of having less to tidy up at the end of the day.

    one room at a time

    Without rush, start with a room and make small changes. Perpahs a corner dedicated to children or a few adjustments to involve them in everyday life. If you are passionate about social media, do not be swayed by the thousands of perfect activities or bedrooms on Pinterest or Instagram. In my personal experience, the most beautiful shelf can get messed up in a few minutes and half of the material fall to the floor. The reality is always more complex than what is portrayed by social media and the children‘s learning process is more complicated. Every home, family and child are unique, there’s no recipe suitable for everyone. The aim is not to revolutionize your home and life overnight. Rather, it is about keeping in mind what your ultimate goal is and gradually making a few small changes day after day that will allow you to better support the children.

    Find out how to change the environment to follow the Montessori method at home with my book: “Montessori per genitori di bambini da 3 a 6 anni”

  • Traditional parenting and Montessori Method

    Traditional parenting and Montessori Method

    Often parents ask me to explain in a few words what the Montessori method is all about, especially in the context of parenting. One of the ways I find most effective is to compare it to what I call “traditional” educational methods. Obviously, by using this term my intention is not to judge unsuitable parents or educators who do not follow the Montessori method. I met great parents who had never heard of Maria Montessori. Likewise, educators who used this term without any knowledge. With the term “traditional” I refer exclusively to those methods and practices that consolidated over time to the point of not being questioned anymore even though they have negative effect on children. In reality, each of us has adapted at least once without realizing they have nothing to do with the real needs of children.

    The parenting job

    “I’m doing my best, isn’t that enough?” is a common thought among parents. There is no doubt that every human being can only do no more than their best and that the ultimate goal is not perfection. We are not machines but humans with feelings, desires and personalities. The attitude I consider dangerous among adults who decide to have children is “We will figure it out”, the belief that to be parents, you just have to give birth to children and the rest will come by itself. Too many adults don’t feel the need to learn but assume they will figure out what to do, little by little.
    Nobody wants to show up on the first day of a new job without having the knowledge or skills to tackle it, right? So why do many people leave to chances a job as delicate and important role as being a parent?

    the Montessori method

    What I appreciate most about the Montessori approach to parenting and teaching is that it follows a deep understanding of the needs of children. This knowledge provides adults with the necessary tools to create a healthy environment and the best conditions for development. Unfortunately good intentions, if not supported by a basic understanding of early childhood needs, may not be enough and, at times, counterproductive. Often our behaviour as adults is unknowingly guided by beliefs and built in our childhood. For example, if our parents disciplined us with threats and fear, it is likely that we will end up following the same approach, in a more or less conscious way, without asking ourselves whether it is an effective or valid method. This parental style is among the most common and hard to unhinge because deeply rooted in ourselves.

    toddler walking in the house

    traditional parenting style

    The authoritarian parenting style is consolidated because it has passed on from generation to generation. It is often so ingrained in our being that we don’t even realize we’re raising our voices or wonder what effect using the threat can have to force a child to do something. The repercussions of this parental style do not appear only immediately but spread into adulthood and can reveal themselves in different aspects, such as lack of self-esteem, insecurity or difficulty managing emotions. The Montessori method not only starts from a solid awareness of the real needs of childhood but also differs from the traditional approach in the interaction with children. Let’s see some examples.

    relationship between adults and children

    In traditional education, adults place themselves in a position of superiority, set the rules and demand respect from the child. The Montessori method, on the other hand, aims to create an equal relationship based on trust and respect. Adults see children as resilient human beings, capable of expressing and choosing what they need. They respect the children by validating their feelings, communicating with kindness and supporting their interests. In the family, children actively contribute to everyday life, to household chores and use real utensils, like glass and ceramics, instead of plastic objects. Feeling respected and listened to is fundamental in the first years of life when the foundations of our personality are built.

    trusting the internal motivation

    Children have an innate desire to learn and develop. The role of the adult is to listen, understand and guide children with kindness towards the development of individuality, provide opportunities for learning and active interaction with the environment and protect their natural curiosity and desire for exploration. When children arrive in family, adults modify the houses by adding barriers to stop children and avoid accidents. Within an environment that is not suitable for children, adults have to constantly tell children off. By creating an environment that safely invites exploration, the adult frees himself from the role of policeman in their own house, while also protecting the child’s curiosity and natural desire to learn.

    every child is different

    Traditional educational methods require children to adapt to the demands and expectations of adults in a uniform manner, regardless of individual differences. The Montessori parental style, on the other hand, is based on general principles that guide us in adapting the environment and ourselves to the individual and unique needs of the child. The motto of the Montessori method, “Follow the children”, comes from the belief that every human being is different. Following children means both being aware of the fundamental stages of childhood development that are common to all, and recognizing and accepting that each child will go through these stages differently and uniquely.

    holistic development

    Traditional education tends to compartmentalize the different areas of development and does not take into account the influence of emotional development and well-being on growth and learning. The Montessori method promotes a holistic view of development where every aspect of growth is important and influences others. Physical development is ensured by offering continuous opportunities for movement; emotional development is promoted thanks to empathic and kind adults who do not repress the needs of children but respect them, guiding them as they navigate the strongest feelings. The practical and manipulative approach satisfies the need to learn by doing, supporting cognitive development and encouraging the development of creativity and critical thinking.

    independence

    The survival of a newborn in the first months of life depends on the adult, who is responsible for feeding, keeping warm and taking care in all respects. Traditional educational methods mistake this physical addiction for inability, surrounding children with adults who continually do things for them and don’t give them a chance to try. In reality, in the first six years, children are motivated by an innate desire to do it on their own, become physically independent and in the right conditions, they find themselves capable and adept. The Montessori method recognizes and values this need by creating an environment that encourages them to dress, eat, wash and even contribute to housework. Independence is supported step by step, creating a balance between what they can do for themselves and when they need us. Doing things by oneself causes great satisfaction in children and supports the development of self-esteem.

    discipline

    The Montessori method considers discipline as a process that leads the child, thanks to the balance between freedom of choice, independence of movement and limits set by the adult, to interact positively with the surrounding environment and others. In traditional educational methods, the parent is an authority figure who has the task of imposing the rules and enforcing them, often in an unchallenged way. According to the Montessori method, true discipline is not driven by the desire to satisfy those around us or by fear but comes from an internal motivation and an understanding of the rules of living in society. Freedom and discipline cannot exist separately. As children are follow and develop their interests, are free according to their level of development, guiding, redirecting and modifying the environment, children come to internalize the rules and respect them by understanding the reasons.

    Recomended readings:

    Raffaella Rossi, Montessori per i genitori di bambini da 3 a 6 anni. Guida alla genitorialità positiva secondo il metodo Montessori

    Sarah Ockwell Smith, How to Be a Calm Parent

     

  • The Montessori work cycle

    The Montessori work cycle

    The work cycle is one of the non-negotiable features of a Montessori classroom. During the time spent observing children, Maria Montessori started noticing how their engagement would follow a predictable pattern that was similar for each child in the same conditions. She initially noted how children curiosity and desire to learn drove their interaction with the environment and choices. Moreover, when this inner drive was left free to express itself, children reached a high level of engagement and concentration. Their learning experience, built around their interests and experiences that were meaningful to them, was deeper than any lessons teacher might impose. She finally noticed that children needed at least three hours of uninterrupted, self-directed interaction with the environment to reach that highest level of engagement. The term work-cycle refers to the three hours of free exploration that all Montessori classrooms should offer.

    what happens during the work cycle?

    Even though all days are different and every child is unique, there is a noticeable pattern common to all work cycles. During the first half an hour, children arrive, get settled and start choosing their first activities. Most of the time, these will be activities that they feel familiar and comfortable with. Some children take some extra time to wander around, touch the shelf or observe what others are doing, before engaging with anything. The classroom, in the first hour, looks mostly busy but calm. After the first section of the morning, children will often demonstrate what Montessori called the “False Fatigue,”. Suddenly the classroom sound louder and children appear to be tired or bored. Finally, after this moment of chaos, most children find something else that stimulate their interest, reach out for more challenging activities and reach an even higher level of engagement.

    the environment

    For the work cycle to work out smoothly, the environment needs to be prepared with great care and attention to detail. The activities need to be ready to use and complete on the shelves and must respond to the interest of the children. Besides the standard Montessori shelf activities, teachers can be creative and introduce a number of homemade activities that follow the same standards and characteristics. The more prepared and ready the environment is, the more children’s engagement will naturally appear.

    work cycle

    the role of the teacher

    Within the Montessori classroom, the role of the teacher is to become a link between the children and the environment. We introduce new activities, engage with the children who need support and intervene if they are misusing the material or in case of conflicts. However, when children are engaged and busy exploring, focused on their chosen activity, we take a step back and become invisible, avoiding breaking their concentration. Now and again, we check the environment to ensure that it is still relatively tidy and looking attractive. Even though children are expected to tidy up after themselves, the younger ones won’t be able to put things back exactly as they left them. As a consequence, the classroom halfway through the morning might start looking messy and, therefore, unattractive. Reorganizing the shelves regularly helps children feeling at ease and settled in the environment.

    OUTDOOR or INDOOR?

    Going back to the basic principles, Montessori believed that children were capable of expressing their inner needs and that they could only thrive in an environment where those needs were satisfied. The purpose of the work cycle is then to let children freely choose activities that are meaningful to them and that respond to their needs. As we all know, all children are different and human beings change every day. I have met children who needed to start their day running, climbing and jumping and for whom being stuck in the classroom was a punishment. As far as Montessori goes, if a child expresses the need to spend the whole work cycle climbing up and down a frame, I am absolutely fine with that. In my experience, only when the need for movement is satisfied a child can engage in focused time.

    the benefits

    We already mentioned how the work cycle supports children’s ability to concentrate however this is not the only benefit. During this period, children get a chance to practice their skills and consolidate their knowledge. They do this by following their own pace and through activities that they find interesting and stimulating. In a world dominated by adults who constantly tell them what to do, this is a sacred space that belongs to them and no one else, where their choices are finally respected, their voice listened to and their requests become priorities. The experience is empowering, rewarding and supports the development of their self-esteem.

    do you need any help?

    Are you planning on changing your daily routines? Would you like to offer children more time for free play but don’t know how? Get in touch so I can help you reorganize the classroom!

  • Morning routines: tips for a stress-free start

    Morning routines: tips for a stress-free start

    Parents often complain about the effort of getting children ready to leave the house, hoping for recommendations on their morning routines. This is, without doubt, the moment of the day when adults and children’s needs are very likely to crash. Children are hardly ever worried about time and, luckily for them, know nothing about the consequences of being late for work or having to deal with an angry boss. Between limited time and pressure rising, it is common for parents to lose their nerves and for children to become uncooperative or even turn into a meltdown. Even though certain aspects cannot change, it is possible to build some morning routines that may help both parties have a more positive start to the day. Here are my best recommendations that, based on personal experience, has helped me, other teachers and many parents.compl

    Bein prepared

    Whenever possible, get things ready the night before. Clothes, lunch boxes, breakfast and anything else that will make your life easier in the morning. With more time on your hands, you will feel less rushed and under pressure and, as a consequence, the children’s mood will improve. Sometimes we don’t realize how much children absorb from us and how we are the ones initiating the circle of stress. We worry about being late, put them under pressure, so they become frustrated and start acting out. As a consequence we get angry, feel even less in control and that again reflects on them and reappear on the surface as a tantrum or meltdown. 

    supporting independence

    It takes time to build a solid morning routine and find out what works best for the family. Even though every house and family is different, remember most children will enjoy doing things for themselves. When we let them try, they feel empowered and in control, which has then a positive effect on their well-being. Creating times and opportunities outside of the morning routine to practice getting dressed, preparing breakfast, brushing hair, wearing a jacket will, in the long run, make the morning rush more simple. Don’t miss my post on supporting children independence nd helping them getting dressed!

    offering choices

    In the previous paragraph, I mentioned how important it is for children to feel in control. They grow up in a world populated by adults who constantly make decisions for them, often without any warnings or explanations. Reactions that seem inexplicable and labelled as stubbornness, tantrums or naughtiness, are often attempts to exercise some form of power on the reality around them. While adults need to be in charge of most decisions, there are some areas that we can let go of. For example, you could offer two options of outfit or breakfast to choose from. The choice also works well on setting expectations. If your aim is for the child to put shoes on, you could say: “would you like the blue or yellow shoes?” or “Would you like to do it alone or with my help?”, making it clear that not putting them on is not n option.

    creating a visual timeline

    Some children can benefit from a visual timeline that shows, with simple and clear pictures of their morning routines. The timeline might include going to the bathroom, having breakfast and getting dressed. It could be more or less detailed, depending on the child and it helps to provide clear expectations. Knowing what adults expect from them and what will happen next, helps children feeling comfortable and in control. You might want to hang the picture on a wall, somewhere visible and easy to reach for them and discuss it with the children before introducing it. The timeline can be home made with pictures of your children or simply bought online. 

    laugh it out

    When nothing else works, make it fun! Sometimes all it takes for children to work with us is to turn whatever you are doing into a silly game. Make a funny face, play a quick game, a weird voice, anything that you know your child will enjoy and will help release some pressure. Some might see it as a way of distracting the child, but I believe it is more about allowing for some lightness to come in and letting go of the tension.